


Hidden Emotions

by Comfykaka



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 21:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6024952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comfykaka/pseuds/Comfykaka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi asked Gai to take care of Mr. Ukki while he was away on a mission. Gai finds more than he was expecting in Kakashi's apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is the first fic I've written in 6 years. I hope it is okay :)

The sun was shining bright and high in the sky on this beautiful day. The sky was a vast shade of blue, there were very few clouds floating around casting light shadows on the buildings of Konoha. The village was thriving with shinobi and civilians spending this afternoon running errands. One certain man was doing the same. He finished his rigorous training session for the day. He checked up on his students to make sure they were being proactive on their day off. He also stopped by the mission desk to see if he had any assignments, which he did not. These were his errands for the day. With only one more on the list, he had already started making another training plan for this coming evening.

Maito Gai leisurely walked down the path towards the destination for last errand on his list. His rival, his love, the light of his life had asked him to take care of his most precious plant, Mr. Ukki, while he was away on a lengthy mission. Gai was so moved by the trust his love placed in him with this task! It brought him to tears to think about this positive step in their relationship! Kakashi has yet to show such belief in Gai off the battlefield. It makes him want to jump for joy!

Gai calmed himself down as he approached Kakashi door. He lived on the upper floor of an apartment complex designated for Konoha Jonin. Gai fished the key out of his pouch, unable to remove the smile on his face. He placed the key in and swiftly unlocked the door, opened it and shut it behind him. His smile faltered a bit, this was his first time in Kakashi’s apartment alone. He’s been here many a time before, but it’s so much different without the home owner here. He slipped his shoes off and patted into the kitchen.

He looked around for the note Kakashi said he would leave him. The copy nin’s apartment was cleaner than the last time he was here. Gai chuckled, Kakashi must have picked up things before he left. It seems like that’s the only time he cleans his apartment, usually he cons Gai into doing it himself. Gai’s face turned sour at the memories of hours upon hours of cleaning. He perked up and walked across the kitchen when he saw a note and a glass on the counter by the sink. He snorted when he saw Kakashi chicken scratch hand writing a he picked up the note. _Gai, 2 glasses of water once a day for Mr. Ukki. Thanks!_ The note made Gai smile. He picked up the glass, filling it up and walking into the bedroom.

He found the plant perched on the window seal as green as the last him he saw it. “Hello, Mr. Ukki! Are you thirsty you sir? Let me get you some water!” Gai conversed with the plant as he poured the water into his pot. Gai looked out the window onto the busying streets of Konoha. He started humming a short tune while emptying the cup. He went to turn around once he was done and froze mid-step, his humming slowing to a stop. His eyes ventured down to Kakashi bed and kept going to find the corner of a brown box barely sticking out from underneath.

Gai flicked his eyes back up to stare at the wall and then flicked his eyes back to the box. Flick up. Flick down. Sweat started forming on his temples. What could be in that box? He hadn’t seen it in Kakashi’s room before, and he spent plenty of time in this bedroom. He would know. He turned towards the box. Should he invade his rival’s privacy? Kakashi did trust him to not snoop around his apartment. Gai chewed on his cheek. Technically, the box _is_ out in the open and it wouldn’t be snooping. Well, it can be seen without moving anything. Should he look? Kakashi wouldn’t know, right?

Gai placed the glass on the window seal and squat down in front of the box, contemplating whether to look or not. He stared at the corner for a couple of minutes before his eye started twitching. The anticipation, the secret, the unknown. What could Kakashi be hiding? “I MUST KNOW!” Gai griped his hair, flung his head back and yelled. He gave in, sat down on the ground and grabbed the mysterious box. It had some weight to it, could some training equipment be in there? He lifted the lid and peered in. Books. Books? Just more books??? Gai placed the lid on the ground next to him. Why would Kakashi keep these books hidden in a box when he had a huge bookshelf? He picked up the one on top, examining it like a scientific specimen. It was slightly smaller than his hand he noticed, about the same size as the pervy books his rival reads. Leather bound. He looked into the box and saw at least 10 other ones similar if not the same to the one in his hand.

Gai was fighting with himself again about whether to open the book or not. He already invaded his love’s privacy, Kakashi would assume that he looked in them right? Curiosity got the best of Gai as he flipped open the book to the first page. His eyebrows furrowed; handwriting?  These books were hand written. Gai started to read the first page. No, these weren’t books. These were journals?!?! Kakashi’s journals?? Gai didn’t even know he kept journals. But the handwriting wasn’t Kakashi’s normal chicken scratch, no, this was beautifully written. The author took special care to write properly. He started reading the first entry.

_Mother,_

_I’m starting a new chapter in my life today. The Hokage removed me from my rank as ANBU captain. Why would he remove one of his best captains? Mother, I do not understand. I did not make any mistakes, yet I was demoted. He placed me as a Jonin Sensei. A sensei. Me. Do you think I will be able to teach these children? Teach them about the importance of teamwork? About the villages Will of Fire? I’m not so sure. I am just trash. I don’t get along well with children. I barely get along with my comrades. I believe my place is in ANBU. It’s what I’m good at. It’s all I’ve known for the most recent years. It’s where I belong. I am not good enough to be a teacher. Someone that kids will look up to? I don’t think I am a role model, with all the mistakes I’ve made._

_Gai. Gai is a perfect role model. He says that I will be a great teacher. That kids will be able to learn from my past and make informed decisions for their futures. I know he would never lie to me, but I don’t believe him. I like to think that you would enjoy his company as I do. He’s a little overwhelming at first… okay, enormously overwhelming. But once he likes you, he sticks to you like a leech. He grows on you. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him. Ah, that’s enough rambling for today. I will talk to you soon, mother._

_Your son, Kakashi_

Mother?!? Gai flipped to the next entry and it was addressed the same. Kakashi wrote journal entries about his life to his mother? Gai felt tears welling up in his eyes. He looked back down at the box, are these all Kakashi’s way of documenting his life? He flipped through the journal in his hands. This must be the copy-nin’s current journal; the entries were recent events in Kakashi’s life. There wasn’t one for every day, but every now and then. They seemed to be on days that something important happened. Gai stopped at a relatively short one.

_Mother,_

_I failed another team today; that makes six new genin teams I have sent back to the academy. They weren’t ready. They didn’t understand the meaning of teamwork. Will I find a team that does?_

_Your son, Kakashi_

Gai steeled his face, he didn’t know his love had these feelings; he was always so good at hiding them. Hiding them. Wait, does Kakashi use these journals as a way to release his emotions? Gai was shocked. That would explain how he was always calm and cool with his feelings. His hands were shaking as he slowly closed the journal. He stared at it in his hands before placing it back into the box. He took a deep breath. When did his rival start writing these? Curiosity was getting the better of him again. He dug through the books looking for the first one, if it was there. There was one that was well worn, kind of tattered and had creases in the spine. Gai opened this one to the first page; this handwriting was noticeably different, like a child’s print. He held his breath and started reading.

_Mother,_

_Hello. Mother. Ah, I’m not sure where to begin. Minato Sensei said that writing in a journal might help me with my emotions. He said to write like I’m writing a letter to someone or having a conversation with them. Is it okay if I use you? I have always wanted to talk to you. I don’t know who else I could use. I also have some questions I’ve always wanted to ask you mother…_

_Do you love me?_

_Father always told me that you loved me even more than him. But I have no memory of you. Only the picture I took from fathers study. Oh, I don’t know if you know or not but father left me. It’s been a few years. He was a fool. He was weak. He left me here all alone. I know that sounds selfish, but it’s how I feel. Ever since…_

_Ah well, anyway. Minato Sensei said that I am going to be placed on a team soon. Do you think I will work well on a team? I prefer to work alone. I am comfortable being alone._

_Ah, I think that is enough for today. It will take a while to get used to this, but I have to admit. I do feel a little bit better._

_Thank you for listening._

_Your son, Kakashi_

Gai’s hands were shaking; tears were seeping out of his eyes. Kakashi has written these since he was a child? He slowly closed the journal and placed it back in the box. Well, now he knows why he writes them and why he writes to his mother. But Gai couldn’t get over the rush of emotion he received while reading that. He invaded his love’s privacy.

He shouldn’t have looked.

He sighed, whipped his eyes and placed the lid back on the box. Silently, he pushed the box back where he found it, got up, and grabbed the cup to finish giving water to Mr. Ukki. Gai was lost in his thoughts while finishing the task. Now he knew how Kakashi was able to keep his emotions in check. Gai placed the cup back where he found it and prepared to leave. He stopped before opening the front door and looked back at the bedroom. Should he talk to Kakashi about this? Gai shook his head and left out the front door, locking it. If that was Kakashi’s way of coping then he wouldn’t interfere with it. He’s decided. He couldn’t wait for his love to come back home.

**Author's Note:**

> I have always had the HC that Kakashi writes journal entries to his mother in order for him to be so in control of his emotion. I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)


End file.
